Diagnostic Machine at Pick & Pay

One day, leaning on the bar, Piet says to Klaas 'My elbow hurts like 

hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!' 

Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery,' Klaas replies. 

There's a new diagnostic computer at Pick 'n Pay's Pharmacy. 

Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's 

wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs only fifty 

rand.....a lot quicker and better than a doctor - and you get Club card  

points.' 

So Piet collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Pick 'n 

Pay. He deposits fifty rand; the computer lights up and asks for the 

urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds 

later, the computer ejects a printout:- 

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy 

activity. It will improve in two weeks. 

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Piet 

began wondering if the computer could be fooled. 

He mixes some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples 

from his wife, his daughter and the cat, and masturbated into the mixture 

for good measure. 

Piet hurries back to Pick 'n Pay, eager to check what would happen. He 

deposits his fifty rand, pours in his concoction, and awaits for the 

results. 

The computer prints the following:- 

1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener (aisle 7). 

2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet. 

3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo (aisle 3). 

4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 

5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 

6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your tennis elbow will 

never get better. 

Thank you for shopping at Pick 'n Pay. Remember, we're on your side!